


The wisdom teeth conspiracy

by kVader



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Drugged Peter, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fun, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Wisdom Teeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9410618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kVader/pseuds/kVader
Summary: Peter is pretty sure that aliens came down to earth to steal away his tongue.Or more specific, Peter is drugged by anesthesia and the Avengers are not helping.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Silly story by silly me.  
> Inspired by one episode of Suburgatory (I miss that show haha)
> 
> Also, this is a gift for the sweet [Chopchopsakurasushi](http://chopchopsakurasushi.tumblr.com) who always translates my stories into 中文, thank you sweetie <3
> 
> (And the beautiful [Vixen13](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vixen13/pseuds/Vixen13) as always, for helping me with the editing :* <3)

Like most humans with common needs and weaknesses, Peter needed his wisdom teeth removed. It was a procedure he knew very well, since the two from above had already been removed when he was in school. Now his dentist decided it was time to remove the ones from the bottom.

Wade couldn't join him because he was on a mission, but promised he would return that same afternoon to be with him during recovery.

Tony told Peter that he would gladly take him to the dentist and bring him to the tower while they waited for Wade, so he was not alone during that time. Because after an operation anyone needs to be taken care of, and of course the smallest of the Avengers had to be pampered.

After the operation Peter did not stop saying nonsense; of course it was the anesthesia giving its effects. Tony just laughed while recording the whole thing in order to send the video to the rest of the group afterwards.

Peter kept asking his dentist for his phone number, telling him that he was handsome enough and that it would be a good match for his friend Natasha because Peter unfortunately already had a boyfriend who was a very jealous person.

"But shh," he said, indicating the dentist to come closer. "If you know how to keep secrets we can fix that."

Then he tried to wink, but ended up closing both eyes. Then with a piece of gauze slowly coming out of his mouth, he started to cry because he thought that his teeth were falling out and that Wade would no longer want to be with him because he couldn't speak.

"Well, Peter," the dentist said as he laughed, "I'll see you soon to get the threads off."

Peter smiled but immediately frowned "And how am I going to move without threads?" He asked, suddenly getting angry with the doctor, "I cannot swing around the buildings without them"

Tony had to intervene before the boy basically yelled at him that he was Spider-man. Then during the trip to the tower he continued to talk nonsense, but Tony was no longer paying attention.

When they entered the elevator the boy seemed to be falling asleep, so Tony asked Jarvis to warn Steve to prepare Peter's room, so that the boy could sleep in peace.

"Right away, Mr. Stark," Jarvis replied, and it was the worst mistake. Peter's eyes widened and he covered his mouth, looking at Tony.

"What was that?" He asked in a whisper. Tony raised an eyebrow confused.

"Uh, Jarvis?" 

Peter looked at him, his eyes widening. "What is a Jarvis?" He asked, still in whispers. Tony blinked several times and Jarvis stepped in.

"I am Mr. Stark's AI."

Peter gasped again and moved to a corner of the elevator.

"Aliens?" He asked in a panicked tone. Tony frowned, but the boy didn't stop there "We must get off immediately, I think they wanna steal my tongue, I cannot feel it."

Tony opened his mouth to calm him, but the elevator opened and the boy ran away. The millionaire was confused and then decided that it would be best to go out and help the boy. When he reached the kitchen, Peter was yelling at Thor.

"Take away your kidnapping tool of tongues from me," the Asgardian looked very confused at the others, for he had a single spoon in his hand and in the other a jar of ice cream. The rest of the group just chuckled at the view.

"Um," Thor tried to speak but Peter threw a paper ball at him and he just ended up more confused than before.

"I thought it would work," Peter said angrily.

Tony sighed, still under the archway of the entrance to the kitchen "I think this will be a long afternoon."

\- ∆ -

Wade did everything possible to get back from his mission quickly, he took a private plane and even rented a motorcycle to get there as soon as possible, since his cute boyfriend was probably in a lot of pain and he needed to be there for him.

When he entered the Tower everything was very quiet, which was very strange, since that place is never so dull. He entered the elevator and pressed the button to the floor where the kitchen was. So far Tony had not answered any of his messages and he was beginning to worry.

"Mr. Wade," Jarvis whispered and Wade frowned.

"Uh, Jarvis?"

"Yes, sir," he whispered again. Wade looked around confused and decided to keep the the same tone.

"Why are we whispering, Jarv?"

"Not to frighten Mr. Parker," replied the other. Wade raised an eyebrow and the elevator doors opened. All the sounds he had not heard before were now quite clear.

"Stay where you are!" He heard Nat shout and suddenly he felt more frightened.

He left the elevator and found Clint gasping for air, who greeted him with an uncomfortable grimace on his lips and...

"What the fuck?" Wade asked, looking at the roll of aluminium foil and webs around Clint's shoulders and waist.

"Hey dude!" The other greeted him as if everything was very normal.

Steve came running behind the archer, laughing as he did and his shield also wrapped in foil and webs. He stopped when he saw Wade.

"WADE!" shouted the Captain with some panic in his voice and then smiled at him with an uncomfortable grin "...We can explain."

Wade looked at them both confused, expecting an explanation, but neither said a thing.

"Go back to your planet, alien!" he heard Peter shout from the kitchen. Wade looked at the other two confused and they giggled nervously. The ex-mercenary sighed and headed for the kitchen to face the probable disaster.

Thor was wrapped in plastic wrap and webs, leaving him enough freedom to continue eating his ice cream while looking at the others still confused. Nat was behind Thor with a garbage bag over her torso and hollows around her arms to give a shirt-like shape to the bag. She was throwing paper balls at Tony who was on the other side of the kitchen.

The millionaire was hiding behind a chair and using a spoon to act as if he were shooting at the other two with it. Aluminium foil also wrapping his arms.

"Wade!" Peter yelled happily from behind the bar in the kitchen. He was wearing a _'helmet'_ made of foil over his head and was peeking over the bar, only the helmet and his eyes could be seen "You're alive, I thought the aliens had caught you," he said somehow melancholic.

The others immediately stood up, trying to appear completely normal.

Wade smiled at Peter and then turned to the others "Okay, what the fuck, people? You were supposed to take care of him, not play with him!"

"Uh, let me explain" said Tony, taking away his aluminium arms "It's Jarvis's fault."

Jarvis cleared his non-existential throat "I was just doing my job," the AI clarified and Peter gasped from behind the bar, hiding even more.

"You'll never take my tongue away while I'm still alive!" the boy screamed and Wade sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"A whole group of Avengers can't handle a drugged teenager? What's your damn problem?" The rest of the group shrugged and Wade rolled his eyes, heading for Peter.

The boy turned paranoid eyes toward him and firmly gripped the cardboard paper towel tube in his hands, pointing it at Wade as if it were a sword. Wade raised his hands in peace.

"Hey, Baby boy, it's me!" Peter relaxed and lowered the 'gun'.

"Wade! You can't do that, I thought you were one of the aliens, I could've killed you."

Wade looked at the others confused and they simply shrugged, embarrassed to have followed the game instead of actually taking care of Peter.

"Okay Petey, come on, I'll build a fort so they can't catch you, is that alright?"

Peter dropped his mouth open in surprise, eyes going wide. "Wow, you're very smart, I had not thought of that." His cheeks were completely swollen and Wade melted for how cute that looked, but he had to come back to reality and take care of his boyfriend.

Wade leaned over to kiss Peter's forehead and the boy smiled. "I'm glad they didn't kidnap you," Peter said softly.

"Me too," Wade replied, smiling, before glaring at the Avengers, who shrank in on themselves.

He took a long plastic bag and placed ice in it while Peter continued to make paper balls on the floor.

"I'm ready, let's go to your room," Wade said, lifting Peter up from under his knees. "We'll build your fort there, okay?"

Peter nodded happily and then leaned back on Wade's shoulder, who walked out of the kitchen glaring at everyone on his way for behaving like children.

\- ∆ -

Once in the room, Wade sat Peter on a pillow on the floor. He took one of his longest socks and put the bag with ice inside. Then he removed the aluminum foil helmet from Peter's head and placed the stocking with ice around Peter's face, tying it over his hair and making him look like a cute bunny.

"Your socks smell better than mine," Peter said very impressed.

"Thanks, I wash them," Wade said giving him a peck on the nose.

Then he started to build 'the fort' with a mattress on the floor, sheets above it and more pillows, while Peter told him how he was sure that the aliens had come to steal their tongues because they probably didn't have them and needed the ones from the humans because they were better than those of dogs or cats. Wade knew it wasn't good for the boy to talk so much, so he approached him.

"I have an idea, Baby boy." Wade said crouching in front of Peter, who looked at him interested. "I think if you stay silent, it will be less likely that your tongue will be stolen." Peter's eyes widened and he nodded.

"You're right, they have less chance," the boy whispered as well and Wade smiled at him.

"Exactly, you must be silent while I prepare the fort, okay?"

Peter nodded "You are super smart, Wade."

Wade couldn't stop a chuckle "I got it from you."

Peter smiled at him and Wade gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead, standing up to continue with the 'construction'.

-∆-

Once finished, he turned to find Peter completely asleep on the floor. Wade grinned and lifted him gently to take him inside the fort, where he laid him on the soft mattress and then joined him, caressing his hair while the boy slept.

"I think I already feel my tongue," mumbled Peter, half sleep, half awake.

"Don't worry, I'll stay up so they don't steal it."

The boy nodded "Okay, I love you." and went back to sleep. Wade laughed and kissed him on the hair.

"I love you too." They would deal with the pain later.

-∆-


End file.
